EMOTIONS: What's with ALL the anger?!
Anger is one of the core emotions, and researchers are still trying their best to understand all of social, biological, and emotional factors that play into it. One difficult thing in parenting is that you may SEE a lot of anger in front of you in your home. However, there could be a lot of things under that anger that may be at play. Anger is called primary emotions, meaning a lot of times there are other emotions under anger. In our day and age, it is somewhat acceptable to say you are angry. Therefore it is a pretty safe emotion to voice. It is much less acceptable to state that you are lonely, you are hurting, you feel rejected. Therefore, simply due to social acceptance, we may come across more anger these days. Below you will see a visual that I work through with parents and kids.
It shows how anger is simply the tip of the iceberg. There are often other emotions beneath. Disrespected, insecure, feeling disappointed are all emotions that your child may feel often but it is lumped in with anger because it’s easier to call it anger.
Anxiety can even look like anger on the outside! Click here to read more .
The feelings of instability and insecurity can all be part of anxiety on the inside that shows out in anger. You can help by letting your child know that there are other emotions beneath anger and help them identify other feelings and the trigger or root of them. Often times those who are lashing out in anger, have been the victim of someone else’s lashing. And others use it as a way to keep people at a distance. If they are constantly angry, than they do not have to deal with people and their issues, because people will not want to come close to understand the real story. I often work with people who have learned that their anger keeps them safe because it keeps people away. Helping your child understand what is truly under their anger means they are able to more squarely own it, face it, and move through it.
***Disclaimer: This blog is the opinion of an individual and does not constitute professional advice or a professional relationship to the reader. If you are seeking mental health services, please contact a therapist in your area. If you are experiencing an emergency, please go to the nearest hospital or call 911.***